I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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