Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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