You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize