Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
