yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
