this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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