Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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