I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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