Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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