Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
