I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
high people should be assigned attendants
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
