why didn't you poke me back
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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