I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
