No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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