Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize