You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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