he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sober January is a disaster.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
