i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
