just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
