nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
