No awkward lesbian experiences without me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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