Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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