We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
