I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
