Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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