she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
