dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
