Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
