I could make wine with my vomit
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
