dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
