I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
