Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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