she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
