She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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