She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need moral support for this bender
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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