but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
