Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
