i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
