I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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