i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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