I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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