Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
