im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
