I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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