I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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