Sry I called you an 8
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
