My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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