All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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