whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm having to shit out rocks
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