there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
