he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
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Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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