My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
