My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
