Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
