So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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