this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
