i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
