you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
is it fun? or sober?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
