Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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