Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
pop tarts are not kleenex
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
